I wrote this months ago, but now I'm feeling brave enough to share. This is part of my spiritual journey to where I am today:
I’m up at 3:20 in the morning because I can’t shut off my brain. I can’t turn off the thoughts that are swirling around and around. I have to write them down because I feel that they are so true.
I don’t know if it’s a Mormon thing, or just a religious thing in general... but I’ve heard so many times that everything is black and white, good or bad, righteous or evil. I used to think in terms like that. But life has taught me that there is more to life than black and white. Life is full of grey.
Let’s start with something basic. Like breastfeeding or formula feeding. One is black and one is white. One is wrong and one is right. Therefore, moms fight about which is best of the best of the best. But a mom who can’t breastfeed feels like she now has journeyed into the black. Because breastfeeding must be the white of life and formula the black. So she formula-feeds with a heavy heart feeling as though she’s chosen the wrong, because if one is right, the other must be wrong, very wrong.
Let’s take something heavier like abortion. It’s black, it’s black, it’s so very wrong... unless of course you fall under the categories of A, B, or C, and then it’s ok... but is it white? Or perhaps it’s still black? Maybe abortion is still wrong, but we’ll give you a pass if you fit into an A, B or C situation.
I think it odd that we view the world as black and white or right and wrong. Because think about yourself, where do you fall? Are you good? Or are you bad? Or are you somewhere in between? Maybe you’re a shade of grey... but that doesn’t exist if the world is black and white. So you are forced to see yourself as good or bad. A good mom, a bad mom, a good wife, a bad wife, a good friend, a bad friend, a good follower of Christ, a bad follower of Christ. It’s a hopeless situation, because odds are you are both good in some areas and not so great in others... you are a shade of grey.
Christ was perfect. The Atonement makes up for the greys of life. Not just the bad things we do. There are things that we do that are “good enough”, not necessarily bad, but not the best either... just “grey” and that’s where Christ comes in. He makes up the difference.
We look at those who Christ healed and forgave, people who were viewed by those around them as the outcasts of society or those who had done wrong or bad. But Christ saw them worthy enough as to be healed or forgiven... He viewed them as more than bad or good... as more than black and white. Christ sees us all as shades of grey, that’s the only way he can succor us and lead us back to him. He can extend mercy because he knows the world is not black and white and neither are we as his brothers and sisters. It’s all shades of grey.
I know someone who grew up believing that life was black and white. I know this because I believed it too. This person made some choices that weren’t the best and led them down a path that wasn’t the greatest. But in a black and white world the choices they made and the path they went down were bad. Therefore this person believed that in a black and white world, they must be bad too. Because they couldn’t possibly fall somewhere in between. They’ve never turned back because now that they’re “bad”, they can never be “good” again... they’ll always be “bad” because in their mind, there is no grey. It doesn’t exist, so they must be forever stuck in the black. They couldn’t possibly be a shade of grey. A person who’s made some bad choices, but is also an amazing person. They therefore view themselves as unrighteous or bad, instead of someone who has value and is a wonderful shade of grey.
The danger lies in believing that there is one perfect path. One that must be followed perfectly. Satan is the one who wants us to believe that the world is good and evil. That there is no in between. He wants us to either be proud that we are so good, or to feel ashamed that we are bad. He wants us to feel like we are “bad mothers” because since we were impatient with our kids today, we must be bad, because we couldn’t possibly be a grey mother, with her ups and downs. The Lord extends MERCY on the times we aren’t our best, but as much as we try, we are not white. We are not perfect. We do not always do what’s best. We must be ok that we are grey. And feel blessed that we have a Savior to make up the difference. He is OK with us that we are shades of grey. We are not perfect, and that’s ok. We need to remember that the world is grey, that our experiences are grey. Yes, we will come face to face with pure goodness and pure evil in our lives, but to believe that’s all there is... that’s an empty place.
Who might you miss out on getting to know, because you believe that the world is black and white? What people might you judge because you believe the world is black and white? Who might you not show love to, because you believe the world is black and white? Who might you not extend mercy to, because you believe the world is black and white? It’s grey and it’s glorious and it’s ok that not everything falls on the polar ends of the black and white spectrum.
I’m up at 3:20 in the morning because I can’t shut off my brain. I can’t turn off the thoughts that are swirling around and around. I have to write them down because I feel that they are so true.
I don’t know if it’s a Mormon thing, or just a religious thing in general... but I’ve heard so many times that everything is black and white, good or bad, righteous or evil. I used to think in terms like that. But life has taught me that there is more to life than black and white. Life is full of grey.
Let’s start with something basic. Like breastfeeding or formula feeding. One is black and one is white. One is wrong and one is right. Therefore, moms fight about which is best of the best of the best. But a mom who can’t breastfeed feels like she now has journeyed into the black. Because breastfeeding must be the white of life and formula the black. So she formula-feeds with a heavy heart feeling as though she’s chosen the wrong, because if one is right, the other must be wrong, very wrong.
Let’s take something heavier like abortion. It’s black, it’s black, it’s so very wrong... unless of course you fall under the categories of A, B, or C, and then it’s ok... but is it white? Or perhaps it’s still black? Maybe abortion is still wrong, but we’ll give you a pass if you fit into an A, B or C situation.
I think it odd that we view the world as black and white or right and wrong. Because think about yourself, where do you fall? Are you good? Or are you bad? Or are you somewhere in between? Maybe you’re a shade of grey... but that doesn’t exist if the world is black and white. So you are forced to see yourself as good or bad. A good mom, a bad mom, a good wife, a bad wife, a good friend, a bad friend, a good follower of Christ, a bad follower of Christ. It’s a hopeless situation, because odds are you are both good in some areas and not so great in others... you are a shade of grey.
Christ was perfect. The Atonement makes up for the greys of life. Not just the bad things we do. There are things that we do that are “good enough”, not necessarily bad, but not the best either... just “grey” and that’s where Christ comes in. He makes up the difference.
We look at those who Christ healed and forgave, people who were viewed by those around them as the outcasts of society or those who had done wrong or bad. But Christ saw them worthy enough as to be healed or forgiven... He viewed them as more than bad or good... as more than black and white. Christ sees us all as shades of grey, that’s the only way he can succor us and lead us back to him. He can extend mercy because he knows the world is not black and white and neither are we as his brothers and sisters. It’s all shades of grey.
I know someone who grew up believing that life was black and white. I know this because I believed it too. This person made some choices that weren’t the best and led them down a path that wasn’t the greatest. But in a black and white world the choices they made and the path they went down were bad. Therefore this person believed that in a black and white world, they must be bad too. Because they couldn’t possibly fall somewhere in between. They’ve never turned back because now that they’re “bad”, they can never be “good” again... they’ll always be “bad” because in their mind, there is no grey. It doesn’t exist, so they must be forever stuck in the black. They couldn’t possibly be a shade of grey. A person who’s made some bad choices, but is also an amazing person. They therefore view themselves as unrighteous or bad, instead of someone who has value and is a wonderful shade of grey.
The danger lies in believing that there is one perfect path. One that must be followed perfectly. Satan is the one who wants us to believe that the world is good and evil. That there is no in between. He wants us to either be proud that we are so good, or to feel ashamed that we are bad. He wants us to feel like we are “bad mothers” because since we were impatient with our kids today, we must be bad, because we couldn’t possibly be a grey mother, with her ups and downs. The Lord extends MERCY on the times we aren’t our best, but as much as we try, we are not white. We are not perfect. We do not always do what’s best. We must be ok that we are grey. And feel blessed that we have a Savior to make up the difference. He is OK with us that we are shades of grey. We are not perfect, and that’s ok. We need to remember that the world is grey, that our experiences are grey. Yes, we will come face to face with pure goodness and pure evil in our lives, but to believe that’s all there is... that’s an empty place.
Who might you miss out on getting to know, because you believe that the world is black and white? What people might you judge because you believe the world is black and white? Who might you not show love to, because you believe the world is black and white? Who might you not extend mercy to, because you believe the world is black and white? It’s grey and it’s glorious and it’s ok that not everything falls on the polar ends of the black and white spectrum.